Blogging, relationship

Is cheating gender-based?

We all know what it means to cheat on another person. When we were kids, we regarded cheating as someone who takes away what rightfully belongs to us. We call it cheating. Cheating in a relationship means you are sexually unfaithful to your partner. You decide to have sex outside the confines of your marriage with someone else. It doesn’t matter whether it is a same sex or heterosexual affair, cheating carries the same weight.

Photo by Keira Burton on

The temptation to cheat on your partner is always there whether you like it or not.

I got a twitter notification on my phone and I decided to check it out. Controversial John Doe made a tweet and it reads:

‘Women who condemn men based on the “fact” that men cheat, are just being dishonest.

They would have been justified if only these men cheat with woods.

You can’t judge men with what you are enablers of. You just “hate” the fact that men may get away with it and you won’t.


Why do men cheat?

Why do women cheat?

Men cheat because they can get away with it even if they are caught. They know that they can beg for forgiveness and their partner will stay. (If you choose to walk away, they tell you that the next man may be a smarter cheat.)

Women cheat when they are not satisfied with their partner. Most women won’t cheat for the fun of it. Women cheat to prove a point. They can do a revenge cheating, they can cheat because they are able to get more cash and pampering that their partners cannot afford. Women cheat with their emotions. They cheat with their hearts. That is why a woman’s cheating is very dangerous.

That is not to say that cheating for the man isn’t dangerous too. I mean, a man who sleeps around can bring you diseases. He can expose you to attack from the other women who wants him for themselves. This goes both ways.

Photo by Keira Burton on

John Doe says that women are enablers of cheating. Well, he is saying the truth to a large extent. I have met many women who say that men are natural cheaters. Men should be permitted to cheat as long as he is performing his duty to you all you should do is look the other way. Some so-called counsellors even advice women who knows their husbands cheat to keep a pack of condom in his travelling bag. A man who sees the pack of condoms, accept it as a license to cheat. It means his wife knows about his cheating ways and approves. Another way women are enablers of cheating is that most of these men are cheating on their partners with other women. I believe this is the part John Doe is emphasizing.

Some women do not care he is married as long as they can get transactional sex. They will gladly cheat. That is not to say that there aren’t women who sleep with married men without knowing they are married. These men pretend to be single just to get into the pants of these women.

Early this year, a story was trending in Nigeria about a man who was sleeping with another woman when his own wife was in labour and about to deliver. Unfortunately, the pregnant woman didn’t survive. The woman he was cheating with did not even know that he was married. Yes, men go to that extent to cheat. Could it be the thrill of it?

When you cheat on your partner and they find out, you have thrown their trust out of the window. Even if you ask for forgiveness and say you are never going to do it again, they will always doubt the authenticity of your love.

Another thing cheating on your partner does is that it makes the innocent person to start second-guessing themselves. Am I good enough? Is the other man/woman better than I am? Is the other man/woman more appealing? Is there something they are doing that I am not doing? Am I a failure?

When our marital relationship gets messed up, it affects every other aspect of our lives – mental health, sexual health, finance, habits, social relationships.

It doesn’t matter whether you are emotionally invested in the other person or not, as long there is a breach of trust? You have destroyed the union. You have destroyed that child-like trust and love your partner once had.

There is another aspect of cheating that some people don’t even know is cheating. Emotional cheating. When you share your life with the opposite sex (someone aside your partner) and you tell them all you are going through and your partner has no idea. When you can’t wait to tell them your successes and even minute details like how you feel and what you had for breakfast. When your partner is no longer your friend and someone else is already filling the gap for them, you are cheating on your partner emotionally.

Cheating is not gender-based. It does not favour any gender, it breeds hatred, bitterness, distrust and break homes. If children are in that union, you can be sure that their lives will be damaged. We can heal the world and it starts with taking the right decision every waking moment. Choosing to do right and standing by it no matter what.

Until next time,


1 thought on “Is cheating gender-based?”

  1. I was trying to log in to leave a comment..

    “The last paragraph just sums the truth up. Cheating often times not for lack of love for the partner cheated on, and it doesn’t mean the one cheated with is better. Most times, cheats happens for the fun of it, which isn’t fun in the end.
    Well, you said it well, cheating is bad and should be discouraged”.

    From Beckley Adedayo


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