My heart is split. My soul too. My head is bursting and I don’t even know how to explain it. It feels like different individuals are inside. There are times when I am happy, jovial and easy going, at other times I am moody, sad and depressed. I bear this burden alone. The last time I told a friend, he said I might be suffering from PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
According to Mayo Clinic Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.
I’ve never had a conventional life or lived in house with white picket fence. It hurts to be the first child. To be the paragon. To be perfect if not I would get many people disappointed.
I bear the pain inside of me. I keep holding it in. I cry at times in secret. Then life goes on.
I have opened a Facebook page that is anonymous. I hope writing my feelings will help to cope, get well or in process help others.
My family does not know about this. I don’t think I am ready to tell them about it either. They will feel disappointed. God knows, I am trying. Trying to survive. Writing and blogging helps. Praying helps some times. Listening to music helps. Sleeping helps the most. I am in a land where my worries are momentarily forgotten. Thank God for Sleep.
I can go on and on. This is my Life. This is my journey. It is rough, it has a lot of bumps and it is far from perfect but I’m living one at a time. For each day, I am thankful that I am still here.
Thanks Linda G. Hill for the prompt. Writing this has helped me.
Until next time,