Open Letter to an Ex

When I came back from my three months break I wrote a post about how blessed I am and happy. I promised to share some of my experiences and this is the first one I’ll share.

 My ex came back! For what?

Read on and enjoy!

*****

Dear Ex,

It’s been a year and three months we separated and decided to be apart since we couldn’t work out. Out of the blues, you came back asking to get back into my life because you are now a changed person and all the things that made us fight, all the anger you had in your system is gone. Now you are refined, a better person than you used to be. You came back to tell me how much you still love me and all the girls you’ve dated after me do not “cut it.” Even after all this time, you can’t stop loving me. When you begin to call them by my name, they had to push you back to seek for me.

My dear ex, I am not the person you used to know. We had a puppy love but now I won’t just settle for love. I will settle for loyalty, consistency, trust and stability. I have learnt a lot from our relationship and I am better for it. No man will ever abuse me again I won’t allow it, I won’t let anyone break me like you did. I don’t even feel I have a full capacity to give my love with reckless abandon like I did with you.

After you, I’ve had three other men in my life. Three men I used as a means to be happy. They were salvaging the wrongs you did. They tried to impress me and never be You but guess what? They got tired of pleasing me. They left or rather I dumped them for their nonchalance.

You started to abuse me at a crucial time in my life. I was jobless and homeless. I was barely living, you were my anchor, my only escape from the hell which was a reality of my life. I couldn’t stand an extra problem, the problem you became. You ruined my heart, made me angry, bitter and I was damaged inside – where it matters most. I could not feel, I could not love, I was not happy neither was I sad. I was numb.

When I heard  “Sleeping At Last” Touch, I knew that song was meant for me.

Pain is a well intentioned weather man

Predicting God the best he can

But God I want to feel again.

My homelessness continued, until I had to sleep on the street with my parents one night. I had no clean clothes, I was dirty and pitied. You don’t know how it feels, do you?

To be homeless and rejected.

I wanted to die. I hated each day I woke up for I had no to want to be alive. I stopped praying to God and I didn’t care. How could a loving God allow his own to go through all these heartache?

I came to understand later that we have a devil here and he always want to bring evil into our lives, so we can reject God. Now I know that God loves me and his great plans for me are unfolding each day. You were just one of the devil’s tools to bring me down.

Months later after my family got a roof over our heads, depression set in. Waves of anger or deep sadness came over me time and time again. It seems my life was not going to get better. Perhaps, my mind was playing with me.

I had to see a therapist, I had to pray, I had to distract myself. I had to get better.

I want to get married this year but I’m not going to rush into it. I want a man who is a christian, who is sincerely making clean money, who is interested in my career – as a writer, who is emotionally stable and will help me attain that stability. A man who will never be threatened by my success, a man who will pray for me and pray with me. A man who doesn’t care whether I’m behind the pulpit preaching or I’m just doing what God wants me to do.

I don’t need someone who will tell me what to do, when to do it and how. I don’t need heartaches anymore. I don’t think you are the man for me.

I am alone and sometimes I get lonely but I like my life the way it is- without complication or stress. I forgive you of all the hurt you caused. Let’s go on to new people it will be the best for us. We will be writing new stories on new pages.

Please go and never come back.

Sincerely,

The One you loved and Lost.

Here is mine La Esperanza De Vida