It is a new year and I got into this year with an empty brain and numb feelings. I wasn’t feeling the new year celebration all around me and January 1st felt like any other day.
I had no plans of going out to visit friends or family.
Could it be that my mood stem out of being separated from my fiancé since December 22nd? I wouldn’t know.
On the second day of the year, I began to worry about myself. I wondered about what was wrong with me?
2018 had been a fulfilling year for me and I had hopes that 2019 would be better.
Almost everything I planned to do, I did. I started a Freelance Editing Service, wrote one book review, completed a novel – Wandering Stars, published it on Okadabooks and toward the end of the year I started to write a new book.
I had stepped into 2018 with no plans of a stable relationship after so many disappointments but love found me when I didn’t go searching for her.
I have prayed my way in 2019 and I was supposed to be fabulous, feel great, optimistic, be ready to conquer 2019 in a grandstyle… Yet I was depressed and overthinking issues I have no business getting bothered with in the first place.
I covered up my sadness with fake smiles, engaged in family conversations and I bing watched movies. I called a few friends and talking with them only helped for that moment and the darkness covered my soul again.
On the third day into the new year, I stood at the window looking over the small piece of land my mother and father uses for cultivating cassava. My hands were in my pockets as I stared into space. In the silence, I wanted to feel the tranquility around me inside me when I heard a voice speak to my heart.
You can’t live a faithless life. You can’t bring your request to God in prayers and then negate it with your worries and unbelief and though you are yet to see the manifestation of your prayers in the physical, you have to believe you have gotten your blessings and then you will have it. You have to grow your faith and stop looking at your life with the physical eye…
It is fifteen days into the year and I’ve begun to see how faithful God is. I only need to trust that when I ask He will do it. I need to believe that He will never leave or abandon me. For some people this year has started on a bad note for them, for others like me we see God working in our lives.
I have recorded about three suicides in Nigeria, two suicide attempts and so many depressed people writing out their frustation on their social media.
To me, it seems that the devil has released the spirit of depression and suicide into the world in a new dimension this year.
Why would the devil do this? Well, it is his plan to steal, kill and destroy. I feel that this year would be better than what we’ve been through in the previous years, more blessings and progress would be recorded and the enemy of our souls don’t want us to be a partaker.
Praise God, my depression has lifted and I’m doing well.
Until next time,
Enjoy your 2019